A few days ago I felt happy when I woke up. None of the usual benzo withdrawal looping thoughts, tingles, pain or burning. It was heaven. My happiness increased quickly until I was feeling almost manic with euphoria. Within minutes it turned into body anxiety and crashed into a wicked depression that lasted most of the day. I was deeply disturbed that even happiness could effect my CNS in such a negative way.

The next handful of days I had more happiness that was stable, however a lunch meeting for my business left me with happy thoughts that raced and a body way too revved up with energy.

I wrote to Matt Samet and asked if he ever experienced strange manic happiness that brought on anxiety. “Of course,” was his answer. He explained it is a phase of recovery. The brain is coming back on line, but it over reacts and causes symptoms. He told me it took quite a bit of time for his emotions to level out and be normal day to day.

I am excited I am in this phase of recovery. Even though happiness can feel overwhelming and a tad scary with a still healing CNS, I prefer  these feelings over the black hell I have been feeling. I am now with out doubt, 100% sure I will heal one day.

I have a ways to go as my body is still fairly trashed, but I will get there. I still can’t believe I have survived this. It still boggles my mind that doctors can hand these pills out and that they don’t understand the withdrawal illness they create in those of use who want to get free from the poison.

I had the most creative day I have had in a long time. I am in here, better than when I was medicated. I feel fresh and shiny at times, in a way that is hard to explain, just as withdrawal in so hard to explain.

Hold on everyone. I have had a truly traumatic withdrawal that included 7 weeks in the hospital. If I can feel as good as I did today, you will too, one day.

I look forward to complete healing, but for now, I am grateful for what I have to date and grateful to be in this new happy phase of recovery.

 

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