It’s been quite a ride the last few weeks! Trying to decide what’s the best way to get control of my life with regard to my taper, and handling the ongoing illness of one of my children. We finally have a diagnosis for him, one I’m not thrilled with, but that’s life. I wasn’t put in charge (fortunately!)
I have three doctors now giving me input as to how to taper. The most helpful has been the one who said, “We don’t know. Getting off benzo’s after 18 years is a crap shoot. Everything we try will be taking a chance. ” I respected her honesty.
The not knowing what is the best way to get through this challenge is more than a challenge for me. I am a creative person, have written four books, and done a lot in my life. I don’t mind coloring out of the lines and creating as I go. However, I wish benzo withdrawal was a bit more predictable. I’d like to know if I am going to be one of those who can move over to Librium (that’s the game plan in action at the moment) and then step down. I’ve read some good stories of people who failed a klonopin taper but managed with a Librium (or valium, which I personally don’t like the feel of).
I’d like to know that if this taper doesn’t work, an in patient pheno drip and then slow taper will help.
I assume you would all like to know what the future holds for you and your benzo withdrawal. None of us can see the future.
The best I can do is to gently keep bringing myself to the present moment. In the present moment everything is as it should be. It is when I future trip that my anxiety shoots way up.
So, when I sift through the s*$&, I remind myself that answers can only come when I am silent. I have to listen. To myself, to my body, to the doctors I trust, and most of all, to God as I understand God.
I have begun a spiritual practice of holding a conversation with God. That means we talk back and forth. I do most of the talking, but I am holding space and listening in the silence.
I am more at peace when sit still with God and listen. My withdrawal symptoms lesson. I feel better, if only for a few minutes.
I hope as you sift through all of your options and questions about your taper, (or your cold turkey) and just life in general, that you will make time to listen. “Be still and know I am God.” It works.
Whatever is disturbing you at the moment, think to yourself, “I can be at peace with this,” or “I can choose peace.” You may have to repeat it over and over, but so what. The truth is we can learn to be at peace with what life throws at us. If we can change things, great! But if we can’t, better to accept, and get on with life.
I hope you are all doing well in your fight to get off of Benzos.
Here is an article you may enjoy. I Bought all three books. Almost done with them. Makes me want off even MORE!