Bedbound from my benzo withdrawal symptoms, I grew tired of watching the hands of the clock move at a snail’s pace, marking the passage of time. One particularly rough morning, a little voice inside of me whispered, “Go plant a garden!” I laughed out loud; the idea was so far-fetched. But the next day, the voice returned. And the next, and the next. Curious as to why the urge to plant flowers was so strong when I was so weak, I crawled out of bed, put on a pair of overalls, and limped my way out into my front yard. That moment was a defining moment in my recovery. Unbeknownst to me at the time, that was the moment I allowed the earth to heal me.
I tore out my front yard and planted a flower garden. I spent most of my days outside, in the dirt. My hands and face were often covered with it! I didn’t mind. I loved the smell of the soft earth. I loved the way it crumbled in my hands. I was fascinated by the fat earthworms wiggling about when I exposed their secret lives to the sun. There are microbes in the earth that we need for optimum health. (If you want to learn more, you may want to consider watching this documentary on Netflix or Amazon: In Search Of Balance.) Every day, for years, I was covered in one of the best medicines on the planet: dirt.
I ate healthy foods from healthy soil. I bathed in the sunshine. I breathed the sweet breeze. I talked to people walking by and felt love. My garden was where I healed. It gave me all I needed to distract from my benzo withdrawal symptoms. It gave me the opportunity to witness the miracle of life. It pried open my frightened heart and filled it with love and gratitude. My garden changed me in profound ways I am still discovering!
If you have a bit of land that you can garden, I urge you to get out there and plant! Spend time every day in your garden. Tend to it, and it will tend to you, I promise. If you are convinced that you don’t have a green thumb, google gardening tips and read or watch videos for advice. I learned from watching videos on AnniesAnnuals.com website. (I’m fortunate that Annie’s is in the Bay Area, and I can shop there, She also ships plants, so you can enjoy some of her rare exotics, too!) You can also explore your local nursery. Just avoid the “big box” stores that sell plants. (The plants are often sprayed with growth retardant, and they are blooming when you buy them, neither are good things.) I’d be happy to hear your gardening stories or to see pictures of your flowers or vegetables. Do the “dirty” work of healing from benzo withdrawal. Dig in the dirt. Plant some flowers (or vegetables). Feel nature’s healing magic. Feel the love. You may be amazed at the transformation that cultivating a relationship with the earth can bring.
I HATE gardening! I make myself do it, but I just sit out there and cry as I weed. Then I have 3 or 4 bad days afterwards. My husband pressures me to garden too. I can’t stand it!
Dear Gail, sorry to hear that gardening doesn’t touch your heart. Do you involve yourself with planting or do you only weed? If gardening flares up your symptoms, you may want to consider avoiding it. As with everything else in Benzo withdrawal (and life!) there is no one size fits all. All the best as you heal.
Dear Jennifer,
Out door yard work has been very therapeutic for me … a great distraction from the Benzo Blahs. I have challenged myself often when not feeling well… a good positive YOU CAN DO IT attitude and a self push kick in the ass. 😉 As you shared Jennifer earth grounding works wonders and the vita D from the sun is a good thing. I believe one can get so caught up in the suffering that it hinders healing.
Pain body attachment and negativity mindset serves continued prolonged suffering. I am 15 months out from a cold turkey off of the big Benzo XANAX , given the strength, the dose, 14 years on plus my age 61 BAM !!! I was hit hard… waves more like Tsunamis . Hangin’ tuff and positive . Why ? Because I CAN DO IT ! So can you !
Love & Blessing to all, Jerry
Hi Jenn and fellow travellers! I spend lots of time in my garden, although you would not think I did. It really needs a good overhaul and that is one of my “when I feel a bit better” tasks. The reason I go to my garden (my sanctuary), is to admire the beautiful birds that visit, and nest there. In Scotland, we have an amazing array of stunning birds, their colours and their little individual traits have amazed me for many years. I feel so lucky, honoured and blessed that some of them choose my garden to nest, and give their little ones their first taste of life with me looking on. I have loads of feeders out and I think they enjoy the “goodies” that I fill them with. I used to dream of being free as a bird, and now I know one day I will truly find out when my recovery is complete. Something wonderful to look forward to.
Love and hugs across the Pond
Jackie
Edinburgh
Healing hugs to all x
Hello all.. Rather late with my comment as been looking after poorly parents again. We have a lovely large garden here in England… Also a lot of rain as it’s the west Midlands. I love our herb garden, and find cooking from scratch very therapeutic… Always have a stock pot bubbling… Bone broth really helps my Benzo belly!!! Another thing I’ve been doing to help my poorly brain is balancing exercises…( No not the high wire) … Just standing on on leg for as long as possible, then the other one. Then trying it with my eyes closed. Now that’s a challenge… But I’m getting better. I also love praying for everyone here. We have lots of amazing birds in our garden too Jackie… Lots of love to everyone, nicki xxx
Like Gail, I too do not care that much gardening. I enjoyed putting my flowers out this spring but you can only put out so many because they are expensive….wish I could talk myself into vegetable gardening. One thing that I’ve tried after hearing others talk about it is the grounding. It really does seem to make a difference when I spend time walking barefoot in my yard and just spend time laying on the ground…..MotherEarth is truly amazing. Haven’t posted in quite a while because I’ve had some bad waves recently but it has been So encouraging to hear that some of you, Jackie, Nicola, Jerry and Dan are making some progress. I’m 11 mts out and starting to see some improvements and for the first time really feeling like I am going to survive this awful journey. We are all warriors and as hard as this has been I truly believe in my heart that I have grown on a spiritual level that I probably would never have had I not had to go down this path. We will all be better and stronger for having gone thru this journey. Hang in there everybody….were gonna make it!!! Love and healing to everyone, Kathy
I’m actually forcing myself to plant and take care of the garden. There are actually says I almost enjoy it. I’m sure gardening will grow on me. Teehee
My garden saved me, was an old passion that slowly melted away but rebounded way beyond what I ever remember. But then, thoughts and emotions melting slowly away then rebounding beyond control. Best garden in 20 years, easy! Started with dishes, housework months ago, slowly made more outdoor progress till even in brain waves I was steadily increasing my physical and mental stamina visible to only me and you guys. LOVE and PEACE all around.