19 Months out from an 8 month failed taper and then a cold turkey with pheno for 7 weeks. I am still healing, and have much to say about it all. Warning, this may ramble.
First, I am still shocked and angered that doctors can prescribe a drug that literally damages brains, causes addiction, and subsequently ruins lives. Why are our jails overrun with people who smoked or sold pot, (or worse!) yet MD’s who whip out a prescription pad and RX a benzo does not.
A colleague of mine is a semi-retired shrink. A few days ago he told me he is ashamed of his work and his profession. He confessed that in most cases, psych meds do very little to help patients. Also, most shrinks have never had to deal with the issues that push people to get help, so they know very little from the compassionate human side of helping. All in all, my friend summed up a profession that promises to help, but does very little and actually harms in many, many, cases. I was deeply touched to listen to him. He does not prescribe benzos, He is well aware of my benzo healing journey. I would love to see the world wake up to the fact that psychiatry is not the golden-haired boy most people think it is.
When I was put on a benzo, I was deep in emotional trauma from working with a therapist who was clearly untrained in sexual abuse recovery. I was having flashbacks and was often flooded with overwhelming emotions. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage, and I had a 5 year old, a 4 year old and 2 year old twins running around. My family had turned their back on me and I felt totally and utterly alone and helpless. The panic attacks that came were brutal. My shrink told me I had a “bad brain,” and needed a benzo to “fix” it. He never said that my abuse played a role, or my horrid marriage, or feeling abandoned by my family. So I believed him. I felt defective. I remember taking the Klonopin, .5 in the am, .5 in the afternoon and 1 mg at night. I was a zombie. I felt wooden. It was horrible. But I thought I had a bad brain and “needed” the pills. The doctor had told me so. Klonopin did stop the panic attacks that brought on a racing heart and shaky legs, but it did not stop the emotional pain of my subsequent divorce and continued separation from my family. It fueled uninhibited behavior at times. Looking back, my shrink put me on the equivalent of 40 mgs of Valium. What doctor in their right mind would start anyone out on such a high does? No wonder I felt as I did. I am lucky I never hurt anyone while driving with that much benzo on board. I stayed at that does for 9 years! No doctor warned me benzos were bad for you. No one told me that every time I swallowed a pill my brain was being damaged. One doctor told me Klonopin was bad, and he switched me to Ativan, saying it was less harmful. He didn’t take into account the dosage difference and with in three days I was in withdrawal to Klonopin. I had no idea what was wrong with me, other than intense, hell like terror I had not had before. I ended up in the ER, via ambulance, was given Klonopin and everything was back to normal. Looking back I am so saddened by this. I was told it was my “underlying anxiety” and felt even more defective. Not one medical personnel told me I was in withdrawal from Klonopin!
Nine years out and life was pretty calm. I decided to ditch the benzos. I tapered off the morning and afternoon dose. I remember feeling that horrible chemical anxiety withdrawal beings. But I somehow got down. I had no idea how to taper or if a doctor told me to taper. This was in 2000 or 2001 so I didnt know to google withdrawal. I got free of the morning and afternoon dose. Then I dropped my nightly 1 mg. I was ok for a few days. I rode with my family, (we had patched up our differences) from Colorado to Georgia. When I got to Georgia, I could hardly walk. I had to hold onto to everything. I didnt have true vertigo, yet I was so off balance I was afraid to walk. I could not sleep either. We went out of lunch one day and the world had changed. I had horrific derealization. Everything was terrifying. I called my doctor in Colorado. I cant remember if he told me it was withdrawal or not, all I remember was him telling me to take 1 mg right away. I did. And of course all the crazy things stopped. I stayed on the drug another 10 years, 1 mg every night. But I was in tolerance and my health getting worse.
Inter dose tolerance set in. I was having chemical anxiety every late afternoon. A glass of wine helped that. I didnt know booze hit the same receptors. I had no idea the two drugs were similar. I moved my family back to SF bay area, started grad school for my doctorate and slowly started falling apart. First it was my bladder. I had so many problems with it that the doctor had no idea what was causing it as it was not “normal” issues. Then it was my stomach. I had it scoped. Again, nothing the doctors could pin point. Then it was my hearing, then eyesight. Then I came down with what my internist said was Chronic Fatigue. I spent a summer in bed. When I got up I was weak and dizzy and had horrid eye pain and derealization. I could not walk up a flight of stairs I was so weak and breathless. I had a few strange panic attacks that were not like my original ones. Soon I was drinking two glasses of wine as that seemed to help. Life limped on. I had times when walking was an issue. My legs didnt know where they were in space or time. I couldnt hike for very long or my head felt fuzzy and strange, the world would get distant and blurry. Not one doctor told me I was in tolerance to Klonopin. Not one. They all were more than happy to take my money when I saw them, and of course encourage me to return for more tests, but not one recognized benzo tolerance even though it should have been clear from my symptoms and the length of time I was on the drug.
It took my life crumbling in on itself for me to figure out that the booze I was drinking to stave off withdrawal and the benzo was the root of my health problems. I quite drinking cold turkey. Two weeks later I began tapering. My doctor told me to cut a 1/4 of the pill out ever week and I would be off in a month, good as new. Ha! Its scary that doctors can put you on this crap and have no idea how to get you off. I cut .5 out in a month and the gates of hell opened, and have not shut all the way since. That was in October 2010. I have had three hospitalizations since, all due to benzo withdrawal. I was unable to work for over two years. I lost everything. I am on food stamps. I battled for disability but was denied. My family has been helping me. I was a thought leader in my field. I was on national TV and radio and had written four books. And I was no longer able to shower, cook, read, or do most of the day to day living tasks. Every day was a day of sheer terror. Not anxiety. Raw heart stopping terror. I was hospitalized three times during my cold turkey. Then the bone and muscle pain set it. Excruciating nerve pain. And its now 27 months since I started getting off and 19 months off. I am recovering, but still so very sick. Pre K I had panic attacks. On K I was sick and bed ridden at times. Off K has been a nightmare. It makes my old panic look like child’s play. I believe the veterans of withdrawal when they say we all heal. I am praying that is true. I am tired of the pain, the fatigue, the weakness, and the mental symptoms withdrawal brings. I am making progress as I am getting back into my coaching work, but I have a long ways to go yet.
This will be my last post until I have a success story to post. I am going to hide these posts soon as I dont know if these posts will harm my career. That is a sad thought, but I have lost so much to benzos, I dont want to lose any future work because I have tried to help others with my story. With the new climate of ferreting out the “mentally ill” I also worry I may be marginalized at the very least, or worse, put on a government list of some sorts and God knows what that means. I was never “crazy.” I was healing from being raped and or molested by a neighbor, a doctor, a teacher, a boss, 3 dates, a friend and a stranger. I was healing from being married to a wounded, emotionally abusive man. I was healing from being abandoned by an family who had no idea how to help me. I was hurt. I was scared. I was overwhelmed. All Klonopin did was mask it all and damage my brain. It never cured anything and harmed so very much of my body, brain and life. 19 years I was on that poison. 19 years! Now, 19 months free. I pray I live long enough to be able to celebrate 19 years free!
Thank you for reading this very personal account. I just needed to get it off my chest. My sx today are: bone pain, tingles, burning, head pressure, head aches, red eyes, sore eyes, itching, anxiety, depression, dizzy, looping thoughts, intrusive thoughts, anger, up and down emotions, weakness, fatigue, muscle pain, twitching, benzo belly, and bee stings feelings all over and on bottom of feet. Bones are so painful it is hard to walk in the morning. Burning tongue, and jaw pain, tooth pain still bothersome as are nightmares.
To Dr. Rick Robinson, the doctor who prescribed Klonopin for a “bad brain,” you need to have your license revoked. You need to be educated on benzos. If I could sue you for my lost income and the tallied medical bills of over six figures due TOTALLY to Klonopin use, I would. But I know its a battle to sue here in the States. So instead I work on forgiving you. Forgiving the men who hurt me. Forgiving my friends and family who abandoned me. And I work on forgiving myself for the role I have had in the bad things that have happened in my life. I just want to move on from here.
I will be in touch again when I have a success story to post! Hopefully that is sooner, rather than later.
How do you continue? I feel like ending all the pain.
Sent from my iPhone
Jen – Thanks for your update…I think of you often. I am sorry you are still suffering so badly…and like you, I wonder how the doctors are not held accountable for this horror that they cause. I am 29 months out from my Klonopin w/d, but now am tapering Prozac. I am down to 5 mg but have been stuck here for a few months.. This has been an awful journey….and I just hope I can survive it and have some kind of life when I am done. You have suffered horribly – before your K journey as well. I hope you can feel your healing happening and I hope it comes rapidly for you. I wish you peace of mind and health for your body. Take care! Ruth Hetrick
You stay focused on the NOW. you don’t look ahead. Try not to look back. Trust the process. Others have healed. We will too.
Hey Jen- Good to read your update. Sorry for all of your pain and losses. I totally understand your anger. I struggle with it day in and day out as well. We will get through this somehow. Please keep us posted on how you’re doing, even if it’s through word of mouth through others. Thinking of you and wishing you the strength to continue forward. Sending ((HUGS)).
Thanks so much for the update. You are a strong Lady. People like you give others the hope we need. Peace and healing to you.
Dear Dr. Jenn,
I am so sorry for what you have endured. I will miss reading your posts as I just came upon them recently and have not had any thing help (except Benzo Wise book and The Benzo Book) as much as your posts have during my withdrawal. I was cold-turkeyed off klonopin at a detox center in Nov. 2011, re-instated after 4 1/2 months due to horrific symptoms, and am now tapering using a compound pharmacy. If email wouldn’t be a problem, plz feel free to contact me. If not, I will be holding on along with you and will look forward to hearing your SUCCESS STORY! And hopefully my own too.
Sincerely,
Sue
ps-suewaltersstiles@comcast.net .
Hope you get better de Jennifer. Do you also have weakness in arm and foot from left side when using it
No, not a weakness. But I have left bicep pain and numbness. It seems the left side of the body is often hit. Others may have your same symptoms. Have you checked in at benzobuddies.org? You may want to consider asking the question there.
Hope you feel better soon.
Sent from my iPhone
Dear Dr. Jennifer,
Your story is heartbreaking and tragic, but as Bliss says, it is a chapter and not your whole life. Your last post sounded as if you’d turned a corner. I am sure you are on the way to complete healing. It seems there’s always a storm before the calm. Like you, I’m in shock that my life has become so compromised by a dr’s Rx. Their ignorance about these drugs is mind boggling. My dr. thinks I’m tapering too slow (as if she would know) and is getting stingy with my prescription. After doling out Xanax for five years like they were candy, I don’t really get why now she’s giving me a hard time when all I want to do is have this over with. I have no use for the medical profession, at this point. Makes me wonder what else they’re screwing up. I think we all just need to have faith that we will be ourselves again and believe those who have recovered, that this will end.
I am praying for your healing.
Peace,
Debby
Debby Thank you for the kind words. I’m Praying for you too.
It is odd that after five years she is now getting stingy with the scripts. Like you I have lost faith in the medical profession
I believe in healthy foods, a long walk, good friends. Self love. Prayer. A dose of hope. 🙂 that’s my medicine these days. And I juice every day too.
Keep fighting. It gets better. I have another year or more ahead most likely. But I am not suffering 24/7 as I used to. I had two or three hours of normal yesterday. Then had a panic from too much heat in my kitchen. But I recovered within an hour. That’s progress for me. 😉
Keep going J
Sent from my iPhone
I’m getting close to 2 years off Dr. Jen. Its been such a long road here to. I still am fighting the head buzzing, tinitus whatever it is. Today I am being hit with the return of burning etc. Yesterday I had a beautiful window. I felt so normal. Then I get thrown into Benzo Hell. I know we all heal. It just takes so long its hard to see the healing. My prayers I send to you Dr Jen. xo
Hey! Thanks for checking in. So glad you had a window! That is awesome. I felt pretty normal for a few hours yesterday then slammed with a panic that took an hour to calm down from. Had a decent night after it. Today woke to some really nasty sx that I thought had gotten better. There is no pattern. I talked to a neighbor this morning and it made me feel happiness, but that quickly turned into the feeling of internal time going very fast, manic like, and that frightened me as in the past my happiness turns ugly and out of control. Hard to explain. So I got very anxious trying to cope with the too fast feeling. I am sure some shrink reading this would give me a dx and try to shove a pill down my throat. I wasnt like this pre K. I am assuming it is part of healing. Why it has to take so effing long I dont know. Matt Samet writes and reassures me. He took 3- 4 years to heal. We limp towards the finish line. Thanks for stopping by and giving an update. Please feel free to contact me at my email, drjenniferleigh at gmail dot com. I am rarely on BB. It is so hard to read about the suffering of the newbies. It’s still so very fresh for me. Congrats on pushing two years. That is wonderful. This cant last forever. (Cant it?)
YOU are awesome. I have had people drop by my place & say such, but you – YOU…. This is just extra ordinary.
I am blown away by what you have survived. You are extraordinary. I can totally feel that first comment – you’d want to just end the pain, & now. But you don’t look back, look forward, but look to now.
I wish you so much the best, & do believe you will have success. I struggle regarding alcohol, in that I am changing at present but continue to poison myself the odd day. I don’t know why I did it, I feel ill for it, but I’ve just “done it again” and again, again.
I have never had benzodiazapams (or however it’s spelt), but have heard they are addictive. I don’t know what ‘scoping’ your stomach is – but it sounds horrible.
Amazing woman!!
Thank you. I am blown away by your compliments. The only thing I know for sure is God has carried me, kicking and screaming. But god carried me. I pray you can find peace with sobriety. The 12 steps work for so many of us, perhaps you may want to consider trying them.
I appreciate your reply. There are so many of us in Benzo withdrawal that deserve your kind praise. All of us are warriors, doing our best to heal from very damaging drugs.
I pray you have a wonderful Sunday. Take good care of yourself.
Jenn
Hey Jennifer,
I posted a comment on your blog a few months ago, i was in the midst of a terrible symptomatic wave (37 months out). I feel a lot better now, it’s been one week now that the inflammation and the bone pain have almost completely disappeared. Hello window! . I hope it will last, i m going to be extra-careful with over-exertion, which revs up badly the whole nervous system and triggers waves.
Often, i feel like i’ve had it, i had to drop out of med school and can’t study or work anymore, can’t even socialize at times, but it does get better, albeit irregularly, a bumpy road to say the least. I don’t know how long the recovery will last, but those windows indicate that this mess is reversible.
I had also some flashings/lightnings when turning my eyes in the dark, it’s all gone! It’s been already a few months now.
I’m also in touch with Matt Samet ; he’s an awesome guy and the living-proof of our insuperable resiliency!
I cross my fingers for you. Feel free to contact me!
Damn, i understand where you are at the moment!
I am so glad the bone pain and inflammation is gone! That’s excellent. The mess IS reversible. I had a few hours of NORMAL yesterday. No dizzy, no pain, no strange thoughts, no tingles, burning etc. It was heaven. Just. Simply. Heaven. Of course the body stuff crept back in but my mind is more quiet. I read stories of recovery taking three, four, five years. I am doing my best to be patient and not to create a catastrophic story in my head about all of this. I am doing my best to take each day as it comes and to accept that I am sick and I AM healing. All of us have come so very far. We have fought an illness that is indescribable in its depth of suffering. Let me know how it goes. I pray this window is the door, and you have walked through to the other side of peace and health.
Hi, I have been wanting to write to you for a long time, but hesitated since what I am about to tell you is not beleived by many as is our benzo withdrawal. So here goes. I feel compelled to at least inform you about my experience.
I was on Oxazepam or Serax for a total of 30 years. They gave it to me for bladder spasms during repeated UTI’s, then Insomnia, Fybromyalgia, until I was taking the bezos for reactions from taking the benzos(but no medical specialist was on to this) I ended up taking 60mgs. a day since I was in very bad condition and no one knew what to do. I was a rack of bones, my eye was half closed, I would get lost driving home when I was a few miles from home. I finally gave up driving and ridding in a car was to nerve racking for me. My vision at times was double and blurry I had almost every symptom on the benzo side effects list. They treated me for nerotransmitter problem, I had my mercury filling out, hormone replacement. Finally I was just in bed and cried almost continuously with two heating pads on me. I was admitted to the hospital suffering from mental and physical breakdown. I came out with a coctail of meds including effexor. Things got worse so I went back on my oxazypam. I was up to 60 mg aday and not much better. I had slurred speech and trouble swallowing. I turned yellow and 3/4 of my hair fell out. My husband and I went to live with my daughter so she could take care of me while my husband worked. I went twice to the ER where they did CAT scans since they were convinsed I had a stroke.
My daughter noticed that I would get worse after I took the benzo so my son did some research on it and we determined that my problem was the benzos. I was so mad that I quit cold turkey. That weekend when i was alone I started vomiting and my bowels totally let lose. I was covered in my own filth and lay on the floor in my filth having convultions until my husband found me. I found a benzo group on line and water titrated for the next 10 months.
I had the same kind of withdrawal that you have had with every symptom you have listed except that i had electrical shocks all over, vision problems that came and went, and constant drencing sweats. I had the burning tongue for almost 3 years with dry mouth at times.
I continued as you did making some head way and getting some of my life back but at 2 years off I wasn’t very happy with the constant lingering problems such as you are having.
I read an article where it was mentioned about British pioneer benzo-educator Shirley Trickett suugest that another explanation for prolonged benzo illness. She has written extenively about ex benzo patient’s susceptibility to candida and various viral infections. It may not be strictly benzo withdrawal symptoms but the toxic effects of the pills can open the doors to these condidtions. These piggy back ailments can complicate the recovery process and prolong the period of benzo related illness. She says that such conditions often gain a foothold as a result of long-term benzo use, or during withdrawal, leading to difficult or stubborn health problems.
I went on the internet and entered candida symptoms and read everything that I could. I read up on candida withdrawal symptoms and natural cures. I had to proceed very slowly as the die off symptoms were more than my body and mind could handle. I have gone very slowly using diet and natural cures at a snails pace. It is almost two years now and I have gotten rid of a lot of my symptoms. One of the first things to improve was my buring tongue.
I have a lot of sites and info. I could give you but they are being lent out to a friend. I will have them back soon if you need any help or have questions.
I felt compelled to give you this information. Wether you believe it or not is up to you. I am not offended or hurt in the least. I just wanted to put it out there for you. I lost most of my life during my 50’s and now I am approaching my 62nd birthday. I look ten years younger than i did at 53 and I am now at a more reasonable period. I am still working at the candida, but I am winning and no longer at a stand still. I just wanted you to have this information since it broke my heart reading your posts over this last year. I would gladly help you some if you should need it, but I don’t want to force anything on you. We each have to do what we have to do.
Wishing you the best, Pat
Hello Pat,
I don’t know if you will read this as it’s now Nov but I was interested in the Candida caused by withdrawal. I have a chronic candida infection but am finding it hard to treat. The natural antifungals cause a bad die off reaction and so my withdrawals are ramped up. I’ve had to ease off but I know the candida is worsening my symptoms and prolonging my problems.
I would welcome any advice from your own experience. I’m a year
off forty years of use. My story is here in ‘Stories’.
Thank You and lots of luck and healing on your journey.
Hi dr jennifer
Im happy that u are getting better
Hope soon u,ll take controll of ur life fully
Iv been 22 month off benzo now
I didnt taper so i had cold turkey
Now i dont have any physical symptoms but sometimes i got obsessive thoughts that bothers me so much
Im so sinical , i cant have friends cause im easily bothered by their actions and i cant forgive people who bothered me this whole time
Before benzo iv always was such a forgiving and happy girl
Now here i am so angry and always sad and irritated
Im afraid these things have became part of my personality and never go away
My friends And family dont respect me anymore(unlike before)and they Treat me like im a weak or nagging person
I hope ull update ur post soon for better news
And hope ill get ok soon to ignore all the things my friends and family done this whole time and forgive them
Rosalind – did you ever connect with Pat about the Candida.? I am having horrible issues with it since having to take antibiotics back in the Fall. Both prescription and/or natural cures are not taking care of it and cause awful side effects as well as die off.
Thank you. I do pray you are doing better.
Jean
Appreciate your article and the posts from others. My Doctor started giving me benzos, but I have not taken them very faithfully and now I am so glad I didn’t. I was taking two .5 at night along with Ambien 10 AND flexural..I started becoming concerned about what I was taking just to sleep. I tapered myself off Ambien, then started working on the benzos.I tapered off them ,cutting down over two weeks and am now off. Gpd bless you and all the rest who are speaking out and helping others!
Hi Dr. Jennifer,
I suffered from panic attacks for years in my early thirties. Lost my job to them, and almost lost my mind. My family doc of course immediately prescribed Xanax, but I intuitively did not want to be dependent on a chemical for getting well. I found a book called FROM PANIC TO POWER by Lucinda Bassett. It changed my life, and I learned how to empower myself and that I did indeed have total control of these panic attacks. I learned through “self talk” how to stop panic attacks in their tracks within minutes! Not one doc told me that they can be completely controlled simply by your thoughts! There is something so profoundly wrong with our “healthcare” system. The medical profession doesn’t have the time, knowledge, nor the empathy to teach people how to take care of their bodies and minds. It’s easier to prescribe a pill. Sickening beyond belief. Just know that you have the power within yourself to heal and prevent through what you put into your body and how you train your mind ( your thoughts in this case. PANIC ATTACKS ARE SIMPLY REPETATIVE NUREONTRANSMITTER PATHS IN YOUR BRAIN THAT NEED TO BE REROUTED. Its in the book – please read if you have not yet.
Benzos are a nightmare – a drug that originally was only approved short term use ( 2 – 4 weeks). How did it get to 19 years??? These doctors are killing us. They are doing only harm at this point. I stopped going to them 15 years ago when I realized that they are trained in nothing more than prescribing drugs. Good for causing future damage to the body by insisting on a quick fix. We have the power to make the right decisions that allow our body to heal itself. Period. It is amazing that you can work on forgiving your doctor after what you went through! I would walk into his office and tell him face to face exactly what you think about what he did, and how shameful it is.
Sincerely,
Maria
I would love to talk to anyone who is going thur this. I am only 3 months in and it feels like 3yrs. Please anyone who has come thru the other side response and give me hope.
Thanks Loretta
It gets better!! SOOOO much better. My life is utterly amazing now. Honest. Hold on!
HI there. Thanks for all of this information. I am taping of Klonapin and have monthly recurring candida. I see above Pat Pieper was working on there, but that was in 2013. If she is still around, I would love to hear her solutions, or from you Dr. Leigh.
Best,
Catherine
Any of you guys get wrinkled waterlog looking fingers for months at a time?
I read this story and suffering from Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Syndrome and having Doctors and their PA’s having no idea what you’re even talking about, yet, they prescribe these things is horrendous. I was put on Diazepam for half a decade for Severe Muscle Spasms after enduring 6 Spine/Back Surgeries. They have no idea how to properly taper people down. The Doctors who say that you need at least a half a year tapering method are ignored. They scoff at this and see you as just wanting to stay on the medication and not seeing they’re putting you in an endless hell with absolute sheer terror 24/7, that you’re afraid of everything and your whole life turns upside down from all the tingling and stabbing pains. light flashes. black spots. nightmares that feel like you’re living them. endless terror attack, forget panic, you live in endless terror and the “panic/terror attacks” you get will make you want to just instantly wish you could just go to sleep just to escape from it. i was jumping from every little thing, I’m excessively hypervigelent instead. Which only came after months of telling myself that despite the terror attacks and endless panic that nothing was happening to me despite the fears of something happening. The visual and Auditory changes were downright terrifying. They are still torture to deal with and no one can possibly get used to it. Every hour of every single day is a Battle and every day is a War. Only when I’m so exhausted that I know I can’t stay up anymore, do I sadly find relief in the fact that I can escape it for x amount of hours by falling asleep in total exhaustion. I take every vitamin, mineral and herbal supplement I can get my hands on, after endless research, if it shows any scientific data for promoting healing in GABA, promoting normal REM sleep cycles, lowering anxiety and panic attacks. You cannot expect things like 5-HTP, Valerian Root, Lemon Balm, Melatonin, Magnesium and so forth to work for you in suggested amounts. I find that I need between 3-5 times or suggested normal doses to even see any effects on me from these otc supplements; because I live in constant terror, pain and with head to toe abnormal symptoms because of suffering severe side effects of Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Syndrome and it being left untreated entirely. The Doctors and PA’s see it aw regular withdrawal and you just wanting to get back on the medicine and admit they don’t know anything about it, most Hospitals don’t either. They all hand it out though. Unless you seriously need it and they assume you just want it back. Its an absolute joke.
I am sorry you are suffering so much. Vitamins can often rev us up and make us worse. Glad you seem to think some are helping you. Keep healing!
I feel your pain but in almost every case, blaming the doctors and feeling victimized will only keep you stuck in the pain. You are not unique, a lot of people rage and bash against their doctors and it keeps them stuck mentally for sure. Even 20 years ago (before computers and Google), I knew taking these types of pills was probably not good. Just like drinking an excessive amount is not good. Even if you feel wronged, forget that mentality and work towards your healing yourself. Even with “normal” everyday type sicknesses, we are the ones ultimately responsible for our bodies and health. We need doctors for certain things, but we are just simply responsible for taking charge of our health.
I am reading all of these stories as I am just in my second week of tapering off Xanax . I have so many withdrawal symptoms I can’t even count them all. Benzodiazepines should be illegal to dispense . I have been on it for 26 yrs. I was taking up to ten mg’s a day!!!! I became dependent physically and mentally to this horrible drug. I am struggling with hope right now as it seems that the recovery time is so long. I hope some one has some advise for me as I am in excruciating pain. Thanks to all that are reading and I feel for each and every one that is struggling withdrawal .
So sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Many of us struggled. You’ll get to the other side though, in time. Let us know how you are doing. Please go slow and listen to your body. Remember MOST doctors are not benzo educated, so please do your research. Take good care!
Jennifer, have you recovered? I was on klonipin for 3 months 1mg per day. 3 months later after a quick taper I’m a complete disaster. I was taken to a mental health center to detox. They gave me Valium for 5 days then stopped me. Im In awful shape after only 3 months of use. How long can this last?
Tim, I still have some mild body symptoms, but the mental and emotional ones are all gone. Thank God! We do recover. Even people on low doses for short periods of time can experience withdrawal symptoms. Hold on. This too shall pass.
I have massive insomnia. Will this go away? Did you have? How did you cope??
Worst wave since leaving detox.Adrenals hurt,headaches very bad loud ringing in the ears.jaw hurt.buzzing thru out my body anxiety and depression really bad in the mornings. LOts of fear again.Fear of everything.Major sensitvites.Longest wave yet.Leg cramps and stomach up set and rashes.Hard to believe that we get well???????????Struggling big time!I hate being so down just not me.Where did wendy go.
I have been livimg through HELL and can relate to the original story and so many comments on this thread. I survived the initial horrors if benzo withdrawal but believe I am having protracted withdrawal symptoms now along with the overwhelming anxiety and deep depression that it unleashes on you. I have never suffered so much in my life and I have so much to live for! This isn’t living!!! I have had insomnia, tremors, jaw popping, depersonalization, unsteadiness, my senses have been off the list goes on and on. I am appalled at the lack of support out there for those suffering like us. Only support I can find is online. Heroine addicts get more support and I’m not knocking anyone, but I have never abused illegal drugs in my life and yet I got hooked on a legally written prescription by my doctor. Shameful and should be against the law!!!
Im 33 months free. Im in bad shape. Dizzy, anxiety, blurred vision that bounces, heart palps are back.
Doctors are SO uneducated about Benzo Withdrawal — I was cold turkeyed off of 15 years of Clonazepam and Methadone simultaneously — put on Suboxone and haven’t had success with that. It has been Six Months now so the Methadone should be done doing it’s withdrawal and I wondered just what the hell was going on with my body … weird anxiety / panic like attacks with Weird Heart beats, some Major Vision loss in my left eye and vision has been fine for 15 plus years, now all of a sudden it totally freaks out, Major Dizziness, Chronic Fatigue — and never feeling Normal.
I understand everyone here and it’s no joke – some serious shit here.
Take Care Everyone and thanks for posting
Sorry to hear you are still feeling ill. Give it more time. You will get better.
I am struggling with a benzo taper. I feel your pain and am sorry you are going through this. I have no support other than I am living in a house that I helped pay for. My wife and son don’t understand. My wife is angry at me. It is hard.
Any ideas about the side effects of foggy vision and how long it takes to clear? I was only on xanax for a week and a half