I slept 6 hours straight last night. That is a huge improvement for me. I woke up to pee, (sorry, TMI!) and went back to sleep for two more hours. It was glorious.
Four months into my eight month taper, ( I eventually jumped) I would go to sleep at 6 a.m. and sleep until 9 or 10 a.m. It was brutal. I was mostly bedridden at that time, so the hours dragged on and on. I played a lot of video games like Tiny Wings and Plants Vs. Zombies. To this day, I can’t listen to the music that goes with those games, let alone play them. I baby sat my friend’s 5-year-old son yesterday and he downloaded Plants Vs. Zombies on my Ipad to play. ( I had long ago deleted it.) When he left, I could not bring myself to even look at the game! So, clearly I have some residual trauma from this nightmare. But my sleep is improving! Yeah~!
I still wake up to crappy symptoms. Burning, tingling. pain, my dear ole intrusive/obsessional thoughts ( I still ponder death and dying every day, sigh.) The pain is getting better however, (Thank you God!) I don’t sweat buckets anymore during the night either. That’s a plus. The fatigue and weakness comes and goes. The swimmy feeling, boaty feeling, and wooziness is still around some of the day. The DR is still really, really bad when I drive. I am hoping it lifts in the next year. Memory still dicey, and cog fog gets thick at times.
I am looking to the future. I am doing my best to cobble together a career. I am also dating! Taking things very, very, very, slow. I am in no rush to jump into a relationship, but I am open to finding my next and last love of my life, when the time is right. When I was so sick a few years ago, I thought that I would never be well enough to be a good partner to someone. Now, I realize that when I am done healing, I will make an amazing partner because I have grown so much. I have so much compassion for everyone. I understand what really matters to me, and I won’t forsake that for a relationship. I am a much better person for having to endure this nightmare. I know I will never again attract or be attracted to a man who will abuse me, or hurt me deeply. Those days are long gone. Again, Thank you God!
I’ve got more healing to do, clearly, but I am getting farther and farther away from the absolute horror of it all, and closer and closer to the finish line. My hunch is I have another year, maybe 2, until the tingling and burning resolve. But, I could wake tomorrow and it all be gone. Who knows?
I had a horrific taper and cold turkey. I am healing. If I can get this far, you can too.
Keep swimming through the shit. Just keep swimming.
Great to hear you are seeing progress, Jen. Very happy for you.
Things will move forward and get better and better for you.
You deserve it.
Andy
Congratulations on the progress!!! Keep on hanging in there. Recovery is not far away! Thanks for the encouraging words!