If I was suffering from cancer, or any other serious illness, it would be easier to understand I need help, and often a great deal of it, and for a long time. But benzo withdrawal syndrome is not understood by most doctors, and there is scant information to help loved ones help us. If you are supporting a loved one through this challenging time of healing, here are some words to help you.
Benzo withdrawal syndrome is a real medical crisis. People die from seizures, dehydration, cardiac complications or suicide. And the crisis isn’t over until withdrawal is over as people kills themselves many months into the cessation of their medication. (I have lost three benzo buddies to suicide in the past year.) Please take the suffering of your loved one seriously. Ingestion of benzos causes brain damage and that damage can take a very long time to heal. Research says that the average healing is 6 to 18 months. But many people take 36-42 months. Some longer.
Healing from benzo withdrawal syndrome is unlike an other healing process. Healing is not linear, with symptoms slowly abating. New symptoms can occur at any time during the healing process. A person can feel better and be in a “window” only to be hit again with horrific new or old symptoms (a wave). The erratic nature of healing from benzos causes its own anxiety issues. We feel better, have hope, only to be thrown back into the nightmare that is benzo withdrawal syndrome.
Support people need to have an abundance of, compassion, patience and stamina to help a loved one through their healing process.
Doctors know very little about the syndrome, and often tell patients their underlying anxiety is resurfacing, or that the tapering or cessation of the drug has unmasked a new mental illness. Even people who were put on the drug for muscle spasms, pain, or vertigo, often suffer extreme anxiety and or panic attacks when they taper or get off. Some develop benzo withdrawal psychosis that resembles schizophrenia and need to be institutionalized until their brains heal. (The sad fact is most people seeking help for extreme withdrawal symptoms will be medicated with either more benzos or other psych meds. Both are detrimental to the healing process.)
One of the most common withdrawal syndrome symptoms is fear (terror). Your loved one may become afraid of common objects, people or places. Or we may feel extreme fear for no reason. Constant reassurance is important. We need to be reminded we will heal and we will not feel frightened forever.
We can have mood swings, going from paranoid, anxious, enraged, hopeless, euphoric, terrorized, all within minutes or hours. It is exhausting for us and our care providers. Support providers will need stamina and compassion to walk beside us as we emote all over the map. These moods swings can look like bi-polar disorder, but they are part of the syndrome and usually disappear when the brain heals. Many doctors are uneducated about this and are eager to place people on yet more psych meds.
We can suffer from ongoing anxiety or depression that doesn’t resolve for months, and in some cases, years.
The body sensations of withdrawal can be very frightening. From tingles to crushing pain, burning sensations to twitches, shaking to repetitive movements, our bodies betray us over and over every day. Symptoms are not constant and often rotate in and out in a short time. Sometimes they disappear, only to come roaring back with a vengeance.
We can suffer from extreme fatigue that makes any activity a challenge. We also suffer from a general lack of interest or motivation in activities. We are not lazy. Our brains are hard at work healing. Be patient with us please.
Some of us develop intrusive thoughts or obsessions that do not resolve until our brains are healed. These thoughts are frightening. We need reassurance they will go away. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy does not seem to help much in withdrawal as the thoughts are due to a damaged brain.
We need you to listen, often over and over and over and over again. Benz withdrawal syndrome is traumatizing. We are frightened of the process and we are frightened we will always be this sick. We need you to listen to our fears. We need to know we are loved. We don’t need unasked for advice, we simply need to be heard. We also need you to take an initiative to help us stay engage in life on a level we can cope with.
In a nut shell, our lives become unrecognizable. We are frightened and depressed, and often in pain or discomfort day after day, month after month and sadly in some cases, year after year. The only cure for benzo withdrawal syndrome is time. We feel isolated and alone, misunderstood or disbelieved. We need our support people to remind us we are healing and that our lives will knit back together in a new, healed way.
We also need to be treated with respect. Most of us getting off of benzos are not drug addicts in the normal sense of the word. We became chemically dependent due to a doctor’s prescription. We are sick because we trusted our doctors.
Please listen to, comfort, reassure, and encourage the person you are supporting through benzo withddrawal syndrome. Take care of your own needs and watch out for compassion fatigue. Take breaks when you need to and nurture yourself.
In benzo withdrawal syndrome, marriages fail, people lose their homes, business or jobs. Family and friends pull away or shame us for not “snapping out of it.” We need people to understand we are healing slowly from brain damage that is causing extreme symptoms in both mind and body.
Rarely do people have any idea the depths of hell I have survived and continue to survive as I crawl out of benzo withdrawal syndrome. I have been told to stop talking about it, to snap out of it, and to just think happy thoughts and I would feel better. If only I could have done those things with a broken brain I would have. I am not at fault that I am sick and suffering as I heal, just as anyone suffering a serious illness is at fault for their disease.
Please educate yourself on this syndrome so you can better help your loved one. Here are links that may be helpful.
http://www.bcnc.org.uk/allison.html
http://www.drregpeart.org/reg_story.html
http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/
Please know that vitamin supplements, caffeine, sugar, msg and other food additives or medications can flare up symptoms. Alcohol must be avoided, as well as drugs that target the GABA receptors, such as Lyrica, Ambien, Lunesta, Phenobarbital, and Neurontin or another benzo. Quinolone antibiotics should be avoided as these can cause serious reactions.
As our lives start to come back together, our central nervous systems will be fragile for quite some time. Please understand that once our symptoms resolve we still need to take life easy and not over do things. Your patience with us is most appreciated.
It takes a long time for brains to heal from the damage caused by benzos. But they do heal. We need people to love us every step of the healing journey, for it is a lonely, frightening, and depressing time in our lives. We need to know we still matter, that we are still loveable and loved.
withdrawal is a long and painful procedure, painful and heart breaking and yes no one understands it. You need someone with patience, love and fortitude!
I am so glad you posted this up Debs, it’s an eye opener and really knocks the nail on the head. I wll be with you on your long (or shorter) road to recovery, I have read and understand a little more now than I thought I did before…. x x x
Bernie-Wernie
Thank you for this accurate and amazing description. We’ve taken the liberty to translate the article for our Danish audience and with reference published it on BenzoStop.dk. We hope it’s okay.
Sincerely,
Alita & Peter
BenzoStop.dk
Of course it is okay. I blog in hopes of educating people about the dangers of benzos and the horrific recovery process some of us find ourselves in. Thank you for allowing me to be of service.
Thanks so much for writing about the horrors of benzos.
Thanks for writing this i am withdrawing from benzos and find my mood swings go crazy at least i can show this to my partner and children and maybe they will understand that its the benzos that are making me this way and am not a grumpy 56 year old woman .
Would anyone be able to give me some advise on a very bad benzo nightmare please?
Lorih9@aol.com
Legally I can’t give advice. But you can go to http://www.benzowithdrawal.org and get help.
My symptoms come and goes now 18mths of bromazepam and xanax been very disturbing and extrem ely painfull sleepless nights. bleeding in diff angles no fun water works and continus bowel movements so vile repeated infections chronic sinus congestion and mucus.womb loss haital hernia. hostile.self harm.out bursts. hospital
extremely painful crawling wide spread itching.brittle hair loss.choking. vomiting. extremely painful ears sore throats. i take mouth spray. nasonex for congestion. dont use caffiene.bowel bleeding.stomach pain n.acid.ithcy tougne. dry lips use stick.bluredvision n mirages. Abnormalomnking but doget new symptims
boweldrink.water. bowel
invesigations all repeats.extremely painfil body muscles. extremely servere body itchn
thank you for posting this my recent boyfriend had problems with benzos and he was so hard to deal with it, if only i would of understood this disease more then because it ended up ruining our relationship. i should have been more patient hes trying so hard to get off these things and i should of been there supporting him instead of getting so mad everytime he lied. because it really wasnt him lying it was the drugs, they really are so evil in so many ways, i think this article will really help our relationship grow stonger while he continues to get stronger each day-amanda
Reblogged this on new old girl and commented:
Starting my 9th month of my taper, and someone shared this blog post on Facebook. It is perfect to share with any friends or family if you are suffering from benzo withdrawal.
Thank you-Thank you-Thank you. Did you go into any kind of psychosis, paranoia, etc? My family member is in it right now and just wondering about how long we might expect it to last.
Thank you Thank you Thank you. Did you ever experience psychosis, paranoia, hallucinations? If so, at what point and for how long?
I never had a true break with reality. (A friend of mine did after her CT from 75 mgs of Valium after 18 years on it) I had extreme paranoia. I had visual and auditory hallucinations that lasted about a month, right after my cold turkey. My intense, and I mean, INTENSE, fear started about 4 months out. I had had bouts of it right after the CT< but it came to roost every minute of every day, around 4 months. It was something I do not wish on any living human being. How I survived, I don't know. I really don't. I prayed for death many, many times each day. It was truly an awful thing to go through.
I wish you all the best with your family member. It will take time, but the brain does right itself eventually. Suicide is a very real problem in withdrawal, so please keep an eye out for your loved one, and make sure they are safe.
Best to you all on the journey. Sorry you have to go through it.
I’m scared I’m going to die idk how else to put this I am 12 hrs into up to a 40mg Xanax a day addiction I was in a detox I am a tad bit lower on my dosage but I went into a detox stayed awake for maybe four five days straight I was told I was the “worst case” they have ever seen @ the detox in Ashland, ky I couldn’t Tlk right hold a fork let alone drive I was told to lie and say I slept to get out so I did when I got home I was dying and I knew how close to death I was my arms were caving in and no one will listen one person did I managed to tell them to look on the Internet I am shaking too much to drive but I’m fading away how do I explain this I have two kids one with disabilities my husband is a heroin addict I live with my mom who works I’m scared too death bc as they leave my bloodstream I know tht the 10 days in detox gave me Brian damage I have a BA in psychology I know it did I need real help but if I die let it be known I love my kids and family .. Rachael day-jones
That may not have made since I was talking about formally going to detox two years ago right now I am out can’t find any and afraid I will die
I appreciate reading and better understanding what my loved one is going through. Though some times I feel under appreciated, I am always patient, understanding, and helpful towards his withdrawal. I show him compassion and love everyday, in fact, I always want him to know that I am there for him despite that sometimes I feel like I have to tip-toe on egg shells due to his unpredictable mentality. At times, I never know what mood he is in and fear that he might not love me but rather the idea that I’ve been by his side through this rough time when it seems like no one else would. It is an amazing feeling knowing that my love and support can help him while he undergoes the mental healing process, but it definitely takes a toll on my emotions and mentality as well.
From a loving supporter to all of the unfortunate victims of benzo withdrawal: don’t forget who is there supporting you. Let them know you appreciate their love, support and understanding; I know they need it.
God Bless to all of those on their way to recovery.
Rose
its wonderful that your loved one has your support. Many of us get shunned by our friends and family because it is a grueling illness to recover from, and patience grows thin as the months and years wear on.
Please know that MOST Of us in wd, DO appreciate the help. We may not be able to verbalize it at the time, as our minds are far too messed up. You may not get your thanks the way you believe you are “owed” until your loved one is more healed.
I understand that you feel you have to walk on egg shells at times, but please try to put your feet in the shoes of your loved one. HE or SHE cant walk away from the illness. They are stuck in wd, 24/7, and it is exhausting. You, on the other hand, can take a breather from being a care taker.
I understand it takes SO much out of everyone involved, but I assure you, the person suffering from wd is suffering the most. It does take a toll on caretakers, no doubt. That is why it is important to take good care of yourself.
I recently had a neighbor stop by my house and tell me that the reason he stopped coming by was that I talked so much about my illness and he got tired of it. I was saddened to hear his reason, but I understood on some level that he was not capable of being compassionate at the level I needed. I realized that he is a neighbor, and NOT a friend. Because friends stick it out with you. Many of us have lost people that we thought were good friends because we were sick. And unfortunately, the sickness of having down regulated GABA receptors causes us to be VERY SELF FOCUSED. Every waking moment is consumed with how sick we feel, how frightened or depressed we are, because the INTENSITY of those feelings is unlike ANY level of anxiety or depression ANY of us have ever felt. It is such a cruel illness, to attack us on all fronts, mind, body and spirit.
I THANK YOU On behalf of your loved one who may not be able to thank you right now. They may be doing all they can to simply survive. And I mean that literally.
Take breaks, go get your battery recharged, and keep standing by your loved one.
I know its hard. But I can assure you, your loved one is doing something even harder… trying to recover from damage done by a pill we trusted to help us. Not harm us. 🙁
Thanks so much for this beautiful post. I’m a 3 month CT,I’ve been through hell. Reading this helped me get some distance and understand better what’s going on.My caregiver is amazing and I worry about him constantly .He stays next to me constantly and I realize it’s not healthy for him.Heaven knows, I don’t want to be with myself!
Hi,can my personal data in my earlier post be erased?By mistake I put it in,I didn’t realize it would appear! Thanks
I sob reading this. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder 11 years ago… was put on klonopin. If someone, anyone, would have told me that this would be my life 11 years later, I would have NEVER started it. Doctors would either stop my med cold turkey or refuse to help me get off of it! I went into this journey trusting my Dr’s… I took my med believing it would fix me. One unsuccessful suicide and several attempts to get off the drug has brought me to this place. I gave myself a special gift for my birthday last year…. I agreed to allow myself to fail at being a good patient. I stopped seeing my Dr… broke my 90 pills into fourths and began the downward spiral through hell! After Thanksgiving last year, my meds ran out. To this date, I have not talkin anymore. I have just learned to cry again. I have flashes of memories I did’t know I had. I frighten myself when I laugh. At times, I can almost feel myself. I still suffer with withdraw symptoms on a daily basis. But, I’m alive. Today is not a good day, but tomorrow might be.For all of you who are searching for answers and reading this….love yourself, forgive yourself and trust yourself.
I am 32 days out from my last benzo. I was put on them 2 years ago when my husband was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. He is still receiving treatment. I have been given so many different meds for things I don’t think I had. When by the grace of god I had a rare moment of clarity and realized the meds had made everything worse I wanted to get me back easier said than done. I tried twice to stop the benzos cold turkey and both times had grand mal seizures but I refused to give up I wanted off this ride more than I ever wanted anything. Be careful what you wish for. I did a rapid taper only five days and the nightmare began. Every side effect you can have I did at times I felt death would be better nothing prepared me for this no amount of readind blogs from others could help me wrap my brain around the absolute hell that would become my life. Agonizing minuets that seemed to last for hours my mind and body was no longer in my control. My husband refused to read anything about my illness and rolls his eyes when I mention it he is put out by my problem because the world is not revolving around his cancer and no matter the topic at hand will find a way to make it about his illness. I hate to complain buecause he has had to assume some extra responsibilities due to my illness but he constantly tells meall the things he has to do even though he has cancer. I feel like I have failed him and my daughter. I want my old self back no matter had damaged I might be. I know that I can handle what life has in store for me but only if I am in control. I pray that the worst is behind me there are times when I recognize real emotions and clear thoughts with no pain and I almost believe their is an end to this nightmare they don’t last long but they give me hope.sorry this post was so long I read this whole page three times and bawled like a baby it was the first time that my pain had an accurate discription and a sympathetic voice it was like a soothing balm on a raw wound. Thank you to all that posted on this site my heart feels lighter because of your honesty. We are all worriors we are batterd and bruised I wish those around me understood the battle I’m in and celebrate my courage instead of seeing me as weak. Mabey tomorrow will be better mabey I will be better. God bless my fellow worriors I understand your courage and am guided by your wisdom.
Good article, sorry for your pain. I am still in a slow tapper off a benzo.. When the anxiety hit I forced myself to go to a psychotherapist for help and to my surprise I was dramatically helped by EFT(emotional freedom therapy) also known as “tapping”. You can read the book “The Tapping Solution” By Ortner. His tapping method is a way to reach the subconscious mind through acupressure points that the patient can do themselves at home or with a therapist. Our amygdala, the subconscious part of our brain is responsible for confirming fear and danger. Benzo withdrawal produces excess adrenaline and our amygdala thinks everything is dangerous. You can retrain your amygdala that things are safe like getting out of bed, going out of your room and even driving(if you are well enough). I walk with all of you in this unnecessary suffering. I have had to tap on anger toward Dr.s and medicine because this is plain ignorance or abuse. I hope you look into EFT and that it helps you through this horribly life sucking time. Keep hope in every day. God keep you.
I am trying to support my wife through benzo withdrawal. I have shared this excellent web site with family and friends, but have received very little in response. The most difficult aspect for us is the isolation – Personal or phone contact makes a huge difference, but can be hard to get…
Is there any sort of “help line ” my wife can call when in crisis?
Hi KP
sorry to be late with a reply. Your comment go “lost” in the waiting for approval line.
There is not a help line to call. You can check out Bliss John’s website, recovery-road.org There may be info there.
There is always benzobuddies.org for people to talk to via personal messages.
OUr illness/recovery is a hard one, as most doctors are uneducated and people have no idea how much we suffer.
I am glad your wife has you for support.
how do you get a loved one through the psychosis from withdrawal — it happens every time – it comes on gradually. Not dangerous except the misdiagnosis part that starts the whole drug cycle over again by people who don’t know what they are doing.
ive been sick with protracted withdrawal syndrome for a year. I cant find a psychiatrist or reg doctor who seems to undersytand or acknowledge my problem. I was on Klonopin for 16 years, lost my doctor, couldn’t get a refill. I lost my job, my friends, my home and almost my life. Im still very sick.
Greetings! I, like so many other comments I have read on these pages are the same. I was prescribed Xanax for anxiety and depression 15 years ago and did not know they were addictive, believing my doctor had my best interest at heart. Unfortunately, doctors fail to tell of my the consequences of medications, benzos are no exception. For years I have had physical problems related to benzo use. All kinds of stomach ibs issues, which I had two gastro procedures to see what was going on, to no avail. Constantly sick,diarrhea,cramping over and over. Also I could not think, started to have severe anxiety, depression three times, just feeling detached from normal emotions. After seeing several doctors and ending up in the hospital, I found out that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. What? I did not know this was possible. I did not drink, smoke, do illegal drugs because I did not want to end up dependent on something that might hurt me, let alone the effect it would have on my wife and children. Well, when I found out I was in withdrawal I stopped C/T! Not a good idea! but all I knew to do. Withdrawal symptoms were overwhelming, physically and emotionally catastrophic: Headache, feeling someone was poking me in the eye with an ice pick, jaw pain, stomach cramps, diarrhea, FEAR of just about everything! I could not watch a commercial on TV, afraid of brushing my teeth and showering (but I did), afraid of seeing people, pacing for weeks due to fear, twitches, terrible anxiety, inner shakes, heartbeat 124 times per minute, weight loss, fear of food, mind racing out of control, feelings of suicide, tinnitus, agoraphobia, sounds shook me, feeling of not knowing myself, disconnected, just about physically and emotionally frozen, among many other symptoms. All this from withdrawal from 3 to 4 mg daily (started on .50 mg daily and without the doctor ever telling me when you increase medication you are at tolerance). It has been almost 9 weeks post benzos. Some of the symptoms are not as severe, but still have them. Anyway, you get the picture. Question for you, how long will I be suffering withdrawal? Any encouragement will be appreciated. Thank you!
It is different for all of us. Some take months, others years. Just face each new day and stay in the present moment. You will heal. You are healing as you read these words here.
It will get better, in time. I know its a long and lonely journey and one can become hopeless. I was! But… you do hold on. and slowly, surely, new life emerges and you step into a new life, a good life. Hold on.
I’m new at this addiction. I’ve only been using a bit over 3 months! It has been sheer hell!! I no longer have the ability to nap, nor do i sleep well and feel rested! I tried cold turkey and on the 4th night of no sleep the fear and paranoia set In. I couldn’t take it, as I have a little one to care for. I was almost at 2mg a night and it became inafective. It scared the crap out of me when I was laying In bed at 2 am fearing everything!! Is it true that after 7 days your body will shut down and sleep? Will you still have the same issues after you sleep? Auditory, tinnitus, heart palps, insomnia?
Also I just wanted to say that it’s so hard to avoid friends and family as they have no idea what’s going on in my life. It’s not something I’m ready for. I’ve dealt with opiod dependency years back and put my family through hell. Opiod addiction seems like a piece of cake compared to this. After a few days you eventually call asleep and there’s none of the crazy symptoms as with benzo withdraw!! I cry everday I’m depressed!! I just want to sleep!!! Feel rested!! I think about this day and night. Visit every website daily!! It consumes me!!
Your body will eventually sleep. It may not resolve your withdrawal symptoms however. But they will improve over time.
Sorry you got hit so hard. These drugs really need to be regulated.
If I could go back in time …. I sure would. My sleep problem doesn’t seem so bad in retrospect!! Not being able to sleep and rest your mind is terrible! Thank you for responding. What symptoms might you say would linger on? Would sleep be one of them? Tinnitus has been terrible for me!! Have had it for weeks now!!
Sorry so many questions. Your the first real person I’ve reached to!! How did you handle the paranoia and fear? Does it stay with all day? I had it at night when I quit c/t the 4th night, but I couldn’t handle it so I never found out if carried through to the day time
Also, tinnitus has been a big issue I’ve had it for weeks. What symptoms would you say might linger? Would sleep be one of them? Even after your body shuts down? Thanks for responding too!
Greetings! I have been in c/t withdrawal from 3 to 4 mgs of Xanax or Ativan for 3.5 months. Prescribed .5 mgs of Xanax 15 years ago for anxiety, slowly increasing the dose to the afore mentioned amount. I did not know they were addictive, doctor never told me. For 10 years, especially the last 2, I have been experiencing what I understand now as tolerance. This last year I was having major withdrawal and did not know it-suffering killer depression on several occasions. Went to several doctors to find out what was wrong. Had stomach problems, gallbladder removed, allergy shots, TMS treatment for depression, panic attacks, trying to fix my body and mind, and ended up in the ER three times and the mental hospital before I knew it was withdrawal. I am doing some better, but still have gastrointestinal issues, brain problems-like I can’t connect mentally as if there is a block, anxiety, tinnitus, fear or even small objects or sounds, doing basic physical and emotional functions. I have said this so I can ask my question, how long does it take to heal? And are there groups I can contact to help with share this trying time? Unfortunately I feel alone. God bless!
Last year while on a low dose of ativan I had a stroke that trashed my vision. Mar 31 this year was last dose of ativan. In October part of my vision came back after .5 mg ativan. I learned about the dangers and tapered off. My vision progress was getting better before going off ativan. It was Rx for anxiety 2 or3 years ago. .5 to 1 mg per day. So now I’m healing the stroke and benzo WD at the same time. Did ativan ruin the stroke healing? Took long time to type this. I am 62 years old
Many of us have vision problems in withdrawal. I always felt like I was looking through a film of vaseline. I also had floaters, saw shadows, flashing lights and the worst was the double vision. I can’t answer your question one way or the other with any certainty. I just know my vision cleared up as my brain cleared up. Hopefully your vision will improve as well.
Hi. Thank you for this post. It describes what my husband is currently going through. However, I don’t know how much more of it I can take. He is suffering from delusions and paranoia and he’s taking them out on me. I used to consider myself a strong person but his withdrawal has completely beaten me down. I hate that he’s going through it and I hate that I’ve come to the point where I would rather be dead than face his rapid cycling emotions where I am the love of his life one moment and the devil’s own the next. I have asked him to look into a 30-day detox/rehab program because I don’t feel he is getting the psychological help he needs, nor do I feel he’s being 100% honest with his doctor. I don’t feel safe with him and I don’t think he is safe on his own in our home. Would you recommend in-patient treatment for this?
Sorry for the suffering you both are experiencing. I am not a fan of in-patient treatment for benzo withdrawal as most doctors aren’t educated about it and they can do more harm than good. Is he off his benzo or still tapering? You may want to join one of the closed Facebook groups and get some support from other wives who are supporting their husbands through benzo withdrawal. You need to be safe, that is certain. What the right step is for your husband, I don’t know.
Dear jennifer. I was on klonopin for 2 years..about 2 years in I started with double vision..I’m off now for 21 months and still have it now for almost four years. It is making me crazy..doctors tell me I’m nuts and I sleep with eyes open. I’ve had almost every symptom…when did your eyes get better? I know we have to heal but it’s like eternity…I also am a Christian and hang on to God every moment,I couldn’t have done it without him!! And your story blesses me! Hope your doing well….God bless…
Lynne
Ears
Hi Jen..I’m laughing because I read my comment and at the end it says ear..lol you know that’s a benzo brain! God bless…
Jen…not sure if you got my post..you mentioned about double vision and eye problems. I’ve had them while on klonopin and now off 21 months. It’s driving me crazy! Doctors tell me I’m crazy,this is a nightmare! When did you heal from this? And one way to help people in withdrawal is love patience..but most of all believe them…the worst for me is when no one believes me….and most of all for us going through it..trust God !! It may take long but he walks with us the whole way. Thx…..lynne
I can’t remember when my double vision cleared up. It’s been so long ago. I still have blurry vision some mornings, but it clears up.
I know how it makes you feel when you are told “it’s all in your head.” Try not to get upset that people can’t understand this syndrome. How could they? It’s beyond any fiction someone could dream up! Keep the faith. You will heal.
🙂
Is tunnel vision part of withdrawal?
I’m so scared stroke was bilateral occipital. Very little sight I was healing but atvann destroyed that. Alone all day. So dizzy
I am going through benzo withdrawal, but I was not prescribed benzos. I bought them and used them when I could get them, along with drinking alcohol (I am about 50 days clean and sober from both now). Is membership for people who are going through benzo withdrawals that were prescribed only? Thanks, Bethany
Thank you for this article, there is alot of information out there for benzo addicted and recovering benzo addicts but not alot on suporting someone who is going thru this!
I am on the verge of trying to get into detox after being on pain meds since 1987..trust me it easier to say what I am not on than what I am on,my problem is that I am having trouble getting into a detox program that will be allowed to control my K-pins ive been on the exact same dose for 25 yrs 4 mg a day started off for PTSD and combat fatigue turned to being on them because without them I have near death Seizures. I do not understand why a willing person like myself who has decided to stop the pain meds,is not allowed K-Pins during detox they would not only help but also save my life from the massive Seizures I suffer from which only happen if I do not have the K-Pins.. I’ve had three major events when I’ve been away from home and not been equiped properly… Any suggestions
P.S.my drive license even says that I need to be check for being on K-Pins to drive because without I’m a hazard and could be arrested for not driving on drugs.
I don’t need anyone to constantly reassure me. If not for that this would be worth sending to people. Reassuring me is exactly what I do not want. What helps me is for people to leave me alone until I am well enough to handle them. To have them understand I can’t have unexpected stimulation. The last thing I want is for anyone to reassure me when they are less informed than I. There is no across the board way to treat people in withdrawal. Different personalities are different in their needs. Practical help is great, but to think everyone needs to be babied through the withdrawal process is not true. Those are personality characteristics not just withdrawal characteristics. I get nothing from success stories either as their withdrawals are not my withdrawal. It’s great to know people are getting well and moving on, but many things only comfort SOME people and not everyone. if you spend your entire existence in withdrawal with someone holding your hand you’ll likely be the kind of person that needs that afterwards as well cause it’s a personality trait. Yes, we all need some help, but that help is different for all of us. I sure do appreciate that you are helping people through this process, but please don’t make across the board comments about withdrawal when not everything is withdrawal. There are personalities in withdrawal too, and some don’t wish to be constantly reassured. All many of us want is low stimulation and some practical help, and occasionally some company when we can handle it. At least I do. Many others have expressed the same, but are overwhelmed with an across the board game plan for people in withdrawal.
Robb
I appreciate your point of view. I really do. I also know that people need reassurance that they won’t be brain damaged and living in fear forever. That is different, in my humble opinion, than babying them and doing everything for them. I agree that if one did that, it could have a negative outcome. I’m all for reassurance as it helps people gain confidence.
I started on Clonazepam last February as I had an 8 month old waking up at night and other noises in the house keeping me from falling asleep at an appropriate time. Geez, I would give anything to have that sleep back! Clonazepam has ruined my life. I used to be a great sleeper, always getting 8 or 9 hours of continuous deep sleep. After 2 months on this horrid drug I started getting anxiety at night along with hypersensitivity to sounds. I bet I could have heard a bug crawling in the next room! I went to my doc and she put me on Doxi-Pen. After 4 days on this, complete withdrawal set in and I started having constant muscle spasms and twitching upon dozing off for sleep. My doc put me back on Clonazepam (lovely). That was over 5 months ago. It has been a horrible ride. After weeks of getting worse, I figured out on my own what was wrong with me. I tapered the med and jumped off 25 days ago. My nightly spasms and surges are even worse than ever. I am actually writing this after not sleeping for 1 second. I have seen every specialist and started neurofeedback with no results yet. I went 4 days in row with no sleep last week (didn’t take any meds) and landed in the deepest depression. The only thing that allows me a few hours of sleep is a combo of Seroquel and gabapentin. I hate that I have to do this, but if I don’t I simply will not sleep. Can’t seem to find anyone with symptoms as bad as mine. Feeling desperate, and sadly, hopeless. Do not want to restart that soul-sucking drug. Need my life back so I can enjoy my children and wonderful husband.
Jennifer are you healed and how long did it take for that to happen for you
Thank you ever so much for sharing all these thoughts and experiences, I really appreciate it. I am able to understand much more what she goes through and I am only so happy that it all will have a happy ending. Together she will get through it much easier. Thanks once again!
I am so grateful to have found this site. 2 months in tapering benzos.
Please help its been almost 2 years since I have stopped Xanax. I was on 0.5 milligrams for 14 months, I can’t eat, sleep my libido is very very low. I can’t concentrate at work. I don’t know what to do. I have a lot anxiety, I don’t know what to do. Doctors are not giving me information I need I can see it in their eyes. I feel I am not getting better. I’ve never felt so alone in my life please help.
Hi Jen…me again..still have double vision and it’s now 26 months..I’m starting to freak out!! I know it takes time ..everyone guest ions my sanity and it hurts..including me! Please give me some assurance this will end soon..I’m getting scared it won’t go away.still have some pains to and can’t think straight…this is a nightmare….thx. Lynne
I was with my husband getting off alcohol multiple times and it is such a different process. He has been off alcohol years now, but is now trying to get off the benzo and it has been a trying process. It saddens me that this is often prescribed to people and that so many doctors have no idea about the withdrawal process and it symptoms and healing process. My husband sent me this article a while ago and I saved it. There has been so much pain, but it helps to be reminded it is a healing process. I pray for him and myself every day. It is so hard to listen to him throw up everyday and he cries a lot because of memories that won’t leave until they just do, and other things that hurt my heart to watch him go through. This article is not only encouragement for him, but for me too. So thank you; it has helped us through something that it seems so little people have any idea about.
5 wks off Clonazepam taken 13 mths for Insomnia/anxiety while helping husband with terminal brain cancer (died this Spring). Horrendous burning/weakness/shaking in arms/legs, feel like I’ll be paralyzed. Numbness in the head with loss of mental ability. Throat tight, short of breath. High pulse. Daily, symptoms getting stronger. Very little sleep over past year. Dr’s don’t know what to think. I say it’s withdrawal but they say it’s all anxiety. Feel I can’t handle much longer. Don’t want to live like this. Such a nightmare. I so want to sleep and be healed. I’ve been awake since 2 am writhing in physical/mental anguish. Crying for mercy. No escape. Scared they’ll put me in mental hospital and back on meds. How did this happen? Are my symptoms common?
Hi Jennifer, I’d like to find out how I can join your online benzo withdrawal support group. I’ve looked on your website but don’t see any way to sign up. I’m at 21 months off of Klonopin and still really struggling and need some help. This gets really crazy at times. Thanks! Doug
I’m 3.5 months of 4 weeks use of Ativan and just when my agoraphobia lifted I was hit with an overwhelming fear of bridges. The worst part is I was afraid of very long bridges before Benzos but not like this, no where near like this. It’s debilitating and since I’m supposed to be taking a 30 hour trip by car in a couple days I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I can’t stand bridges. Will this get better?
And the cause of all the pain and suffering is a doctor’s prescription? A prescription from a trusted doctor? Brain damage? Why is this allowed? These benzo drugs are still being prescribed today. Let’s band together and demand that mental health treatment and practices be changed. We as a weak society have allowed the abuse of power in the mental health industry to increase. Let’s do something about mental health reform now, before the egotistical doctors and the pharmaceutical companies are so powerful they cannot be stopped.
I’m so glad to find this site. It is very helpful-necessary-for me to hear so many different stories and points of view about individuals’ withdrawal. I’m struggling with what to do to help my husband. He had tapered from 10mgs. of Olanzapine to 5mg over a period of 4-6 months, and from 20mg of Citolapram to 10mg over the same period. Then, stopped altogether. I’m guessing that’s a cold turkey withdrawal. I keep hearing people say C/T withdrawal is the worst thing to do. Now I don’t know what to think. I’m too afraid to take him to a psychiatrist for fear they’ll put him on another drug to “ease” off the symptoms he’s having. This is truly hellish to go through and not knowing how/when it will get better. I have told his PC doctor I want a complete neurological workup to find out the condition of his brain before ANY drug is prescribed. I’ll be on pins/needles for possibly 2 months before he can be evaluated.
Any advice you can give, or even encouragement that I am doing the right thing would really be helpful. I’m so afraid of making his condition worse.
Scared and alone in NC
I emailed you a private response. Hope things are going as well as can be expected.
World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day is July 11. We are hopeful that it is the start of some much needed conversations.
I TOOK CLON FOR 20 YRS LOW DOES AS PRECRIBED–NOW IM OFF ABOUT 1 YR AND ALTHO I DONT HAVE MENTAL SYMPTOMS I AM PHYSICALLY WORSENING THE HEAD PRESSURE IS UNRELENTING, PARASTESIAS CRAWLING SENSATIONS ANYWHERE IN MY BODY, WATERY BURNING EYES AND OCCIPITAL HEADACHES AND MORE ANYONE WHO WANTS TO EMAIL ME FEEL FREE–I THINK THIS STUFF CAUSES PERMANENT DAMAGE ON JULY 2ND I HAD A WINDOW WHICH LASTED A FEW HOURS THEN GOT MUCH WORSE
Hi I’m Jon I’m 44 and a mechanic.
After 5 years my job has been terminated because of withdrawal.
I will possibly lose my house and assets
I’ve descended into a spiral of depression and after 8 or so sessions with my doctor, psychologist etc there doesn’t seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel.
Hello
I really appreciate you posting this article. I have sent it to some close family members and my wife. It is very insightful and informative.
I was on klonopin for ten months ,then tapered off in five. Usaully taking 0.5 to 0.25 most of the time. Sometimes up to 1.5 on really bad days . Like panic attack days and such. I never thought I would end up feeling this bad five months out. I thought two months tops… Boy was I in for a surprise .
My fourth month was my worst month by far. This is a roller coaster ride through hell and there is no way around this ride. I feel for anyone going through this mess especially those with children at home. Just know you can make it through this. Don’t give up on your recovery.
Thanks
Thanks for describing horrible effects of benzo withdrawal. I was diagnosed with anxiety symptoms last year in the month of June after TB medications. Since then I was taking 0.25 mg clonazepam. Now ,this year in the month of June I myself decided to wean off this medicine. I am afraid that none of the Dr advised me for that . This I decided at my own and now 90 days passed I have completely left benzo. I tapered off this medicine for a month in two doses i.e. 0.125 for two weeks and 0.0612 for one week. Now I am facing some withdrawal symptoms like sleep disturbances, fear, anxiety and jerks especially during night when I can’t sleep. I have decided not to see any Dr for these withdrawal symptoms. Can you give me some advise please.
Survivors …. Experienced withdrawl sufferers ….. Anybody ?! When does the FEAR end ? My daughter age 22 is so scared, and says she’s in so much mental pain, that she begs me to help her die !!! She will be home soon from the hospital and I don’t know how to help her
This is HORRIBLE ! If I can just know she won’t be so scared …..
Dear Jennifer,
Kindly see my comments submitted on Oct 7, 2016. I am facing a lot of fear of seizures even after four months of last dose taken. I am so scared now.. what to do ???
Hey there my partner is going thru benzo withdrawal plus she is also on seroquel Valium 6mg and seroquel 25mg now apart from just about every symptom around affects her but is it also able to totally destroy her sex drive to not even having any interest in me!!
I don’t live with her unfortunately but I’m financially supporting her which is very hard to maintain I’ve been going thru this with her for 2 years is it normal for them not to understand how we feel
I put everything I have into her I really miss her who she was just seems like it’s a big black hole and I just keep sinking
Along all this I’m stressed in my job (which involves death and bad injuries) I have the stress with her plus my own daily life stress plus my job is 24 hour on call
I feel like I’m letting her down because I tell her how I feel and say I miss her and I do go on about sex but it was a big part of us and her saying she has no interest in it makes it feel like I don’t do it for her anymore
But out off all this I don’t sleep maybe 3 to 4 hours a night tops I’m just worn out and just have to keep pushing on for her as she is my only support
I can understand how confusing it must be for someone who take care of someone in withdrawal. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I don’t. I am glad that you were able to share honestly here with us. I hope it helped to get your feelings off of your chest.
I was prescribed by my doctor. .05mg of clonazepam of two weeks but was taking 1 mg the first day next day 1 mg in a half. For the two weeks. Then doctor prescribed me the 1mg for two weeks I was taking two or three mg for those two week’s prescribed. Then a friend knew I was running low so he a gave me a week supply after continued the two or three mg. But no more then three mg. I was taking a day.. Then went to the smi clinic I go to for my psychiatric doctors appointment.. She told me she taking me off them.cold Turkey pretty it’s been 5days off.. Am I gonna be okay and is this as serious. What should I look out for n why didn’t it show up on my urine test when they tested for it I have fatty liver disease. Is that a concern? And I have a neurology appointment for a ct scan on my right top of my back..due to parathesias. I am only 25 yrs old. I have pockets in my colon.. I got punchened in the nose and needed ct scan but never got it. Is that another concern? What should I do cause I have an ssi hearing coming up on December 16th. Which is the 1 I do not want too miss. But my ssi attorney called me saying my smi clinic just recently sent them a statement saying I seen the June 4the which is a major lie. Because my last time was this late November is when she took me off cold turkey.. So I do not know what to do. I need help and advice I feel and need helpful advice from somebody. I have no family support just friends but nobody can even tell me. So what do I do I’m scared I’m too young to be going thru this.
I was on Clonazepam up to 2mg daily. I went into full blown withdrawal after tapering all the way down to half of a .125mg lozenge. I was only on the medication for about 10 months total. I had to take 10 weeks off work because I feared I was losing my mind. Some of the scary things were out of body sensations, unreality, burning skin, extreme fear, scalp/ear pressure, tension with jaw, bones constantly cracking & popping, muscle stiffness, OCD type obsessions with combing the internet for answers, massive panic attacks, 24/7 fog with constant anxiety, and constant, unrelenting insomnia. I lost about 50 lbs, which I have now regained. They had to put me on a cocktail of Trazodone, Seroquel, Inderal, & Vistaril just so I could get a couple hours sleep. I no longer trust “head” doctors as a result. My life became normal again after about 18 months of withdrawal. I no longer require any medications, and the only withdrawal symptom still remaining is tinnitus (I have learned to tolerate it). The only encouragement I can give is to realize what you are going through, and time is the only thing that can heal the damage. Some helpful things for me were practicing mindfulness, going for walks (long, long walks), and yoga breathing. My experience could only ne described as Hellish, but I managed to survive. Just wanted to help with my experience. Hang in there!!!
Thank you for sharing your story! I am sorry to hear that you suffered so much, and that uneducated doctors gave you so many other meds! I am glad that you are better now. We all do heal, in time.
Couple of years ago I was a fully functioning person than I lost my sister for cancer and after in few months without scan or anything one ENT dr told me I might have a brain tumor. After few weeks I started to have some anxiety and flashbacks. Than my GP prescribed me diazepam very small dose without any instruction in how to use them. In a week I used whole box, than cold turkey, I started to get really unreasonable pains aches, temperature and anxiety and was not aware that this was a rebound effect. Same time they prescribed me quinolone antibiotics together with Ibuprofen and on top of this I was visiting osteopath for some pain.
On the 4 day being on antiobiotics I got so unwell, unable to sit, sleep, do anything. Then for 4 weeks I couldn’t sleep at all because of anxiety, panic attacks, physical seuizes, tremors, delirium, agitation and lots of mental problems constantly thinking what was wrong with me until the day I collapsed and ended up in psychiatric hospital everybody was asking me if I was a drug addict apart from specialist who diagnosed agitated health anxiety and depression. I remember sitting in hospital garden thinking what happened to me, I was worse scared of anything and everything, not able to go anywhere away from building, shower, touching grass, food, drink etc… everything was scary and I was not understanding why as I was a person who solo travelled.
Since than I have been on so many psychiatric medication and I slept for 2 years, March 2016 I started to come of medication and I started to come in layers, it was a brilliant summer with my children but I was in mania and not able to hold any stress, I was basically not balanced, healthy.
However in September I had few stressful situations and I was not off balance than one night I experienced bad anxiety as a side effect to migraine tablets. Then I just became anxiety.
Than they put me on xanax I had paradox effect and got worse, than they put me on some anti depressants and clonozepam for 6 weeks and still everything escalated went worse every passing day. And people blamed me that I was doing everything.
With each medicine I went to new or more horrorful chapter.
And now using antipsychotics and no improvement. Basically I don’t know who I am? Mentally emotionally I m confused unstable And I don’t see any light at the end of tunnel.
This is not me I was smart levelled healthy person, now I cannot even make decisions. I m consumed in paranoias, anxiety, agitation rage, hostility, hopeless, clinch and all sorts ; mentally, emotionally, physically suffering,
I just pray God to take me. As I don’t want to do anything to teach my children that suicide is only option when you have difficulties. I was way to strong before and always embraced what I faced; dealt with it dust myself off and live my life as so, not a victim psychology.
Now any doctor I tell my story treat me as major mental case with dillusions, biopolar mixed stage, and more and they think it’s not possible to have severe withdrawals from short time usage and they disregard the effect of quinolone antibiotics. I feel inhuman, lost my dignity, myself and everything.
I wished I had the worse depression or cancer but not going through this hell and pain in my mind and body.
I took Ativan/Lorazepam for two weeks, 1mg daily before going to sleep. I had no idea of the utter hell I would be going through, once I ran out of the pills.
It was a prescription, given to me at the ER, when I went there due to having a “hypertensive event”, where my bloods pressure was extremely elevated.
They gave me prescriptions, for my hypertension, and Ativan to help me sleep.
I took it for two weeks,while eating my new plant based, wholefoods diet, to lower my blood pressure. 1mg daily…Then I ran out.
The first week of cold turkey, was utter hell. I went days without sleep. My limbs would, twitch, spasm uncontrollably. Heart racing, palpitations…I thought I was going to die.
I knew, based upon what I had found online, what was happening to me. I figured, since I only took it for two weeks, only 1mg daily, I would eventually, within a few days, maybe two weeks or so, get through it in one piece.
Well, here I am in bed,writing this on my smart phone, and it’s been three weeks and four days. Things were improving gradually and today, I got hit with a wave of symptoms similar to the beginning of my withdrawal.
Hopefully, I will continue to heal, improve. But to day was a bad day and night. Panic attack, shaking…Weird. I’m a bit better now.
That’s two weeks, 1mg daily of Ativan. What a horrible, nasty drug.
Hello Jennifer. I am on a temazepam taper.I have been on diazepam and temazepam since August. I was put on benzos after being given bad advice when trying to come off an anti depressant .. I have a good gp, but can’t see her very often (I’m in the uk). I love your Web site and have passed your soul reminders book on to my sister in law who is very ill with anxiety. My husband has just read the info for loved ones… I really want to encourage everyone to keep going. It’s horrendous … I find the lack of sleep and fear the worst. .I know it’s slightly wrong but I came off the diazepam first. Unfortunately I had to go back on the mirtazapine as have been on it for 9yrs and was told to come off in 3 weeks. It’s been a roller coaster for my brain.Getting prayer support has helped me, and I now have an understanding of the terrible things people endure… I’ve seen God in it all. I know I must be patient.. Christmas has messed things up. Too much going on and I drank alcohol.!!! Oh dear. Every blessing, nicki
I was prescribed Klonopin, Kepra, Dilantin, and Vimpat when I was diagnosed with a rare form of auto immune encephalitis (my left frontal lobe is swollen from unknown causes). All this began in early August with a grand mal seizure which was followed for several weeks by up to 8 smaller seizures an hour. It took Mass General over 2 weeks to figure out what I have. It took 4 months on those 4 anti seizure meds plus prednisone infusions to calm the seizures. Finally when a 3 day EEG in November showed no sign of seizures the dr. said I could wean off the Klonopin. Hallelujah! December was not fun. It’s been an emotional roller coaster. I’m happy when out of my house socializing, walking, anything. But at home alone with my husband I wanted to die, or kill him. Were it not for my 2 wonderful adult children and other people in my life I might have. I have had moments of breaking down and sobbing which is so out of character for me. Eventually I figured out that withdrawal was responsible for at least part of what was going on and I spoke with my husband, asking him to be patient and kind. Things have been better. I have been off completely for a few days now, yesterday was a much better day. My mood and energy were much better. I’ll be interested to see if that continues or if it was just one day. It’s hard to say if other symptoms I have (foggy head, weird body sensations..) are from withdrawal or my disease or the other drugs I’m on, but I’m fairly sure the emotional roller coaster has to be from coming off the Klonopin. I find exercise to expedite cleaning out my body and a lot of television so I don’t have to think (ha ha) has been helpful. I also have learned I need to be gentle with myself and reach out to others and talk about what I have been going through with people I trust.
I appreciate reading about other people’s experiences so thought I would weigh in with mine. Thank you.
I’m so frustrated that I could scream my Dr. Or I should say nurse practitioner knows I am an addict and so concerned about the fact that I relapsed on meth and alcohol but has no problem getting me hooked on GABAPENTIN and olanzapine ! This is absolutely infuriating
I don’t want to sound selfish or insensitive. I love my wife more than anything ever. She started weaning off clonazepam in late October and at first things with us were still good but about the first of Dec when she took her last dose it has just gotten worse. She has pushed me out of her life she is always angry at me. She has completely changed from saying I am her everything to I’m nothing. I try hard not to say anything about it but sometimes I slip cause I am the only one she treats like this. I have quit 3 jobs in the last year to help take care of her. She used to appreciate that but now I get nothing. I don’t understand why it is just towards me. I really need some help and advice cause I think I am going to lose her as soon as she is well enough to be on her own.
PLEASE HELP!!!
Russell, hopefully when she is recovered she will either return to her normal state of feelings, or she will be able to articulate what her new reality is. In am sorry to heawr that she’s having a hard time, and that you are suffering as well.
My prayers go out to you all. As a friend and love one i am in it for how ever long it takes us.
I feel for everyone who has shared on this site. In my case, I was on clonazepam for 25 years for RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). In 2005, I got tired of going through withdrawal psychoses and being treated like a “druggie” when I ran out of a prescription while my prescribing doctor was on holiday. I decided to approach CAMH in Canada to be put into a detox program. I was weaned off over a period of 4 years, by very small lowering of doses at a time. I had the most gentle and understanding doctor imaginable, yet still remember it as the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I experienced nearly all of the symptoms presented by readers here. While on clonazepam, I had been highly functioning, so being reduced to this state was certainly humbling. I suffered from severe agoraphobia, too, and it felt like forever before I could even go out and walk in a crowded street. My RLS was treated with an anti-Parkinson’s drug, Mirapex, and I have been on gabapentin ever since. I enrolled in university a few years ago, to test my cognitive powers, and recently graduated from university with higher marks than I’d ever had before. I have also remarried and am able to travel to unfamiliar places alone for public-speaking engagements. Looking back, I realize how far I have come. The greatest key, I think, is being patient with yourself.
I just read your comments on Benzos and thought how so very true. I was a police officer for many years and sort the help of a so called doctor because I couldn’t sleep due to shift work and dead bodies. I asked at the time if they were addictive and the answer was no….what a pity I didn’t research myself into these hideous things. I am typing this through blurred vision as I can’t focus on the screen too well.
I was on 6 mg of paxam which is Klonopin ( the equivalent of about 120 mg of valium, (I didn’t know that until long after I started taking them, as 6 mgs doesn’t sound much ) I was on it for about 6 years, I couldn’t get off them due to work. I was medically retired and tapered down to about 30 mg then ditched them 9 weeks ago. Then the hell started. At the moment I have a very sore neck, tinnitus, problems with balance walking and vertigo. I do get some windows now, some times I get two to three days feeling 6/10 then bang I pay for it with a 12/10 for a day or so and then the false hope phase that gets your hopes up returns.
I was a paratrooper in the regular Army and have done some very hard jobs, I think its my mental tenacity that keeps me going. Having said that, what is the alternative ? you can’t just give up and go back to the beginning that is like a surrender and I’ve come too far. My poor wife doesn’t understand I wish I could get her to read this entry of yours and maybe she would understand, but she’s too dismissive. Anyway, back to the bed which is a pain, the back of my neck is killing me and the bed spins after awhile as it feels as though I am lying down hill lol.
Thank you so much for this great enlightened blog. I was sure I was in hell , and very much alone. After 20 years on klonopin I realized it no longer worked. I weaned for 8 months, and been an withdrawal for 6 months. I have thought of killing myself , I have cried until there’s no tears. I thank God for the most amazing husband . He has been with me every step of the way.
My symptoms are shear hell. My head feels like it’s in an socket. Ears are blocked , I have Tmj , my eyes are blurred . I feel like someone smeared Vaseline on my eyes. My feet , legs go numb and neck get stiff. Sleep? No sleep! I get up I get dizzy , if I move too fast my ears ring , and my walk is very unsteady.
I can’t thank you enough for this blog. I was ready to give up , thinking enough time had passed and this was the end result. So thank you.
I have decided to look into GABA, and I’m now having better days.’ Stay calm herbal ‘with gaba is helping me get 5 hours of sleep. I have a long way to go but you have given me hope Jennifer. Im also using Dream tea made with valerian and Camomile tea. Take 1 capsule of stay calm in the morning , and 1 at night. It does take the edge off.
I hope to come back and tell you , Im a success story.
Thank you
I’ve been on Xanax since I was about 14 I’m now 35 I’ve went threw Evey horror of this drug herring voices to extreme halusinatoin and as Soon as it’s over I get out of jail or were ever I was right back because of being scared of life itself I’m on my last leg can’t keep going on living like this if anyone has any advice please help
Robert, I hope you get the help that you need. This website or the coaching that I offer for coping skills with benzo withdrawal probably isn’t enough help for you. Please find a doctor who is educated about benzos. You can get free support at benzobuddies.org. I wish you all the best on your recovery.
Okay. I get it. I believe I read an article by Dr. Leigh that said, “remind yourself its the medicine talking not the real you” (am paraphrasing but you get the idea) Tonight I just feel like I have had enough. I am a very strong person so, I assure you, I will win. It FEELS like I have had enough, but I know there is more in my tank.
I wish I had someone to call. I do not want to wake any friends up and I’m very certain no one understands. Its not malicious, they just can’t. I’m afraid to talk to anyone about anything. Its a little like “The Hulk” television show when I was a kid. He had this great line, “you wouldn’t like me when I’m mad.” That is how I feel. I want to call everyone and say, “I’m not going to be able to talk to your for a while.” “I think I’m too toxic to be around and I don’t want to harm anyone.” I don’t have panic attacks but this must be what one feels like, my heart is racing as are my thoughts. If I were not an EMT who could identify what this was I would call an ambulance. But I am.
BTW: Emergency services are there to help you. If you are unsure if you are having a medical emergency I think it is a good idea to call. My point is, I’m not saying you shouldn’t call if you aren’t sure. You can always sign the medical release papers and tell us to go home. (I hope that doesn’t qualify as medical advise, I’m just sharing)
My hope is that tomorrow will dawn a brighter day. In the meantime, I am glad my laptop and I could share an intimate moment together. (ha…..gotta’ keep your sense of humor)
P.S. — this is painful, it hurts and I’m scared……really scared
It feels like I haven’t taken any benzos for 36 hours. This is appropriate, because I haven’t. I guess I did not expect to feel very good; this is really the beginning of the end, not the end. From everything I have read it will still be, at the very least, six months until I don’t feel like crap.
I really have to work hard not to dwell on negative thoughts. I feel as if I have felt this way forever, on or off benzos. I can’t really see how coming off these medications is going to improve anything; I was put on them for a reason. I’m going to assume for now that every negative thought I have is false until I am at least six months clean. If I don’t feel better then I’ll spend every last dime i have and go on a sailing vacation, or maybe a tropical island.
Michael – “the incredible Hulk”
Age is not measured chronologically, it is measured physically. My mother has aged a great deal in the last year. I want to make her last years on this planet comfortable and happy. I don’t see how I can do this feeling like I do. It is hard for me to take care of myself much less anyone else.
I called my sister yesterday, she is about six hours away by car, and asked her to visit more often. She is more than happy to help because she is awesome.
I am not going to say how I feel. I don’t want to make anyone more nervous who is working towards getting off benzos. Everybody is different. I am not having an easy time, but that does not mean you won’t have a smoother ride than I am having.
I had no idea that Xanax was so bad . I went into a mental hospital due to a mania caused by an extreem amount of thyroid medication. Also tramadol for fibro and an antidepressant it all hit at once. So here I am thinking I’ll get off all that and the doctors will help me with new medications. Wrong Xanax was one of the new medications and I was trusting my physiatrist. Never once did he mention the hell Xanax can create. I was so looking forward to a start in my life. Paranoia started to set in and before I knew it my mind and body were taken over by fear and withdraw everyday . I didn’t know !!!! And when I figured it out it was to late. Lost an extreem amount of weight can’t even leave the house. Afraid to drive my husband doesn’t understand but this last year I have really fallen off a cliff. I stopped cold turkey because that’s what the doc said to do 7 days ago and I’m I’m hell. Can’t see very well, can’t consentrate ,very weak ,spazums , tremors, panick. Only 8 months of take a 1 mg at night for bed. I was going through a lot of this before I stopped . Sad how you don’t realize what’s causing it until it’s to late. Had a panick attack at 3 am. Wolk up and the room looked like it was spinning. I am so alone in this and I’m afraid my husband is going to leave me. I can’t even go outside anymore I’m so afraid. Will I become homeless because of this drug? Will I loose the love of my life ? How long is this going to continue ….. I don’t have forever to get better …. Anything I can do to make the withdraw go quicker. Feeling lost and out if controll of my body and mind . Help
Do you really get brain damage from Xanax ? Why would any doctor prescribe such an awful drug !!! Only 8 months to ruine the life I had. Yes I fell suicidel but to full of fear to do anything about it. I didn’t want this !!! I should have resurched my medications better but I was struggling with a mania when they were prescribed. Needed help and no one to help me understand. I would have never signed up for this if I had known. Pharmacy never even said anything. So lost and alone. And terrified . Help
I have been off since the the 23rd. It took 7 months to complete the titration. The first ten days since the 23rd were hellish. Since then I have felt consistency fantastic. My doctor reminded me that the recovery is non-linear and I’ll still have bad times. No, sorry. I’m not going to work on the assumption that things will get worse, they won’t. I will not allow people to try and convince me that I should not be doing well.
A few things I know for certain after winning this battle:
—Nothing, I don’t know anything with certainty
Some ideas:
If you possibly can, find a way to stop working for the last few months until you are off and you know you are stable. If you can’t take time off, then find a doctor that will allow you to take minuscule step downs in dosage, over an insanely long period of time.
This is a great blog sight. The help I have gotten from it is invaluable. I felt less lonely when I read of other peoples struggles.
THIS BLOG SIGHT IS NOT A HELP LINE. The people that provide the information contained simply can’t respond to everyones post.
If you read the articles and posts all your questions will probably be answered. We are having common experiences. If you do not find the answer, make an appointment with Doctor Leigh or a professional you trust. *”The answer is out there”
*thank you X-files
FIND MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS THAT HELP YOU GUIDE THE PROCESS!!! Do not be steamrolled into withdrawing from a medication if you feel your life will disintegrate without it. When you decide to come off, and you probably should, the pace should be set by the most knowledgable person in the room, you. You know you.
You were not in the studies, and I was not in a study. Every day you feel horrible remember that the next day will be better, until proven otherwise. Every day you are closer to the finish line, even if you are not sure where the finish line is.
I FEEL FANTASTIC!!! I would not trade the 28 years I was on benzos for anything. I’m not joking or being passive aggressive. Most people live in a fantasy state. They do not allow themselves to feel anything fully. Benzodiazepines certainly did this to me in an artificial way that I did not notice until I came off. While I was reducing my dosage I felt terror, physical pain, loneliness, and learned about a host of problems as they happened in my body. NOW I TRULY KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LIVE IN A WAY ONLY A SMALL FRACTION OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH DO.
I’m thankful to the doctors that put me on this medication and the ones who took me off.
Find a way to lose your anger, and figure out why you were put on a medication that suppresses your feelings in the first place. We need to take responsibility for our issues. This does not mean taking the blame at all, no, this means understanding that blame won’t help you. Its your responsibility now so take pride in plotting your course. You may not have put yourself where you are, but you will find a way out. When you are done you will still own the result and will be proud that you did what few other people have.
You will feel great when you are done. I think, hear, feel, see and touch with more intensity than I ever have in my life. As you can imagine this can be a little annoying but it also has huge plusses. As my eighty three year old mother said, “well it sounds strange but you must be having great sex.” True.
Finally, remember, you are sexy as hell and you are loved. If you think this is not true you are wrong. It does not matter your age, figure, body type, disability, it doesn’t matter. If you are having trouble understanding that you are sexy as all hell and loved, than realize that you can love yourself and find your own sexiness. Look at your eyes. Beautiful. Doesn’t matter what you think about the rest of you. You have beautiful eyes. Once you realize this everyone else will feel the same about you. Until you do this, nobody will feel this way about you.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.
–Michael the Human