I thought I would be healed at a year out; back to work and happy. I thought the healing process would be a faded memory and life would bustle and burst with its usual enjoyments. I had no idea healing takes so long. Nor did I realize that I could not go back to my old life for it was lived through a veil of anesthesia. I am having to learn how to live life on life’s terms without numbing myself.
I talk to many people who are further out than I am. 18 months, 23 months, 3 years. They still have lingering symptoms. Some are still in pain, some only bothered when they are overly tired or stressed. I am working on acceptance that my healing is going to take more time. I am grateful for the healing to date, and am hopeful that more is taking place every day.
Bliss Johns, the Author of Benzo-Wise and Recovery and Renewal, has talked to over five thousand people recovering from benzos. She reminds me it is a long, slow process and accepting the journey is the easiest path to walk.
Today I sit in my garden and accept that I am healing still. I accept that I can not do many of the things in life I want to be doing. I accept that the pain, burning, tingling, anxiety, depression and thoughts are part of a healing syndrome. They will not be here forever.
I started a new blog last night: SeedsSoilandSoul.com I accept God’s gentle nudge to return to my contract with him, to write things that help others.
This morning, I accept. My healing, my life, my purpose, my passion. I accept God’s love.
May today be a day of peace in the long journey to recovery for you dear reader,